Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Newton's Laws Are Everywhere!!

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Although originally applied to Physics, I believe that Newton's laws are applicable in all situations.

I would first like to provide some reasoning behind this seem-to-brash assumption.

First of all, Newton was an overall genius. His cranial matter, the mass-of-amazing-intellect-and-potential-to-do-awesome-things, aka brain for you commoners, was so dense, it generated a gravitational field that was so strong, it pulled an apple off a tree.

Second of all,
Newton has made claims that back up his incredible genius. Quoted from his Wikipedia page :

"Newton described universal gravitation and the three laws of motion, laying the groundwork for classical mechanics, which dominated the scientific view of the physical Universe for the next three centuries and is the basis for modern engineering."

That description is a bit convoluted though because just about everybody can input information into Wikipedia, so let me re-analyze and untangle that mess of words for you in Layman's terms.

Newton can describe gravity of the universe in THREE laws. As everyone knows, the number 3 is revered as a magical number. Therefore, Newton is a magician.

Next, he laid the groundwork for classical mechanics. Who else can lay down ground? That's right, only God can. The soil you're standing on? Newton did it. Although not quite as efficient as God who created the ground in 1 day, Newton can create it in 3.

Another keyword from that segment is the word "classical". What's classical? Mozart is classical. This is to say, Newton was so amazing, he made Mozart.

Furthermore, Newton DOMINATED the scientific VIEW of the PHYSICAL UNIVERSE for the next THREE centuries and is the BASIS of modern engineering.

Now each of those keywords definitely means something. What does it mean when something DOMINATES? It means they don't leave any room for any others.

What does it mean to DOMINATE the VIEW? It means only he can see the view.

And then to DOMINATE the VIEW of the PHYSICAL UNIVERSE. Means Newton's head was so fat full of cranial matter, that he blocked out the sun, the neighboring solar system's sun, the galaxy's sun, and finally the universe's sun. That's pretty fat.

Also, realize that the number three has come up again? Newton is the basis of 3 centuries. It means if you take the determinant of 3-Dimensional space of all the space-time of those centuries, it doesn't equal zero. It's linearly independent. How many distinct things can occur and exist in 3 centuries of space-time? A lot. Unfortunately Newton's reign ended when we realized there was more D's in space...apparently 4 D's and even up to...11? Which I don't quite understand unless someone's been using really fine print on me, because I've never seen a "D" in space. It's always been s-p-a-c-e...Whatever.

Finally,
Newton's name is just amazing. Break it up and you get all kinds of cool combos. Like...New Ton. Or Newt On. On Newt? Add in his first name, Isaac, and you make anagrams like, Ocean Saw Tin. HOW DOES AN OCEAN SEE ONE OF THE ELEMENTS ON THE PERIODIC TABLE? I don't know, but Newton made it happen. If you use his FULL name, Sir Isaac Newton, you get stuff like...Await Corniness. He's so amazing he ALREADY KNOWS what he could say could be corny. This guy can STILL tell the future even though he's sleeping in his grave for 3 centuries. Albeit he knows that his sense of humor sucks though.

So, the question comes down to, is MY claim false? Of course, I could never be as fully true as Newton, but I will try. However, I will do my best to convince you that Newton's Laws are everywhere.

First, let's start with some elementary subjects. For reference, Newton's three laws are:

First Law: An object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted on by an outside force.

Second Law: An applied force on an object equals its rate of change of momentum and the time. More commonly seen, if mass is held constant, as force = mass x acceleration.

Third Law: For every force there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Since they are already given, these will be the laws that stand for Physics.

Now analyze the following:

Math
First law: Any number tends to stay as that number unless you perform a mathematical operation on it.

Second law: A mathematical operation is equal to the rate of change of your mind versus how much knowledge you take in and how smart you really are. Simply put, too much math practice will make your head explode.

Third law: Every mathematical operation has an equal and opposite operation. Like how you can undo addition with subtraction, multiplication with division, etc. You can even undo an integral with a derivative.

English
First law: Any sentence, phrase, or word, tends to retain it's meaning unless you add in random other stuff...like grammar...or more letters.

Second law: Random other stuff is equal to the rate of change of your frustration and your sugar level. That's how most good literature is written anyways.

Third law: Every random thing has an equal an opposite random other thing. Good literature always has those rabid fans, plus those people that would hang themselves to avoid reading it.

ENGLISH IS BRILLIANT.

Biology
First law: Every thick biology textbook tends to get thicker after every edition, while every thin biology textbook tends to not be used, unless acted on by an external author or student.

Second law: Students and authors in biology is equal to the rate of change of how many times people can argue "NO, CHICKEN CAME FIRST" vs "NUH UH, EGG." and idiocy. Seriously, who gets worked up over an argument over chickens and eggs. Eat them both, sheesh. Cook them together. Now if you ask whether the appetizer or the chicken-egg dinner came first, that's a different story.

Third law: For every biology lesson, there is another biology lesson happening somewhere else that is teaching the exactly opposite thing.

Chemistry
First law: Every atom, molecule, and formula, stays that way unless you make something go BOOM!

Second law: Stuff going BOOM! is equal to what chemicals are used and your desires as a pyromaniac.

Third law: For everything that goes BOOM! there is something that goes...MOOB? (Not sure about this one. Is a question mark the opposite of an exclamation mark?)

This concludes the basic subjects of knowledge, but there has to be MORE applications, right? Well yeah, there is. Redundant question, I got you.

Love (Oh geez this is gonna get messy)
First law: A person not in love tends to stay not in love, and a person in love tends to stay in love, unless complicated stuff happens. (That's why there's the "It's Complicated" option on relationships for Facebook. Also the one thing they got right.)

Second law: Complicated stuff is equal to more complicated stuff and how well you deal with the successive complications.

Third law: Every complicated thing has an equally forceful slap or argument associated with it.

Religion (Time to get messier q_q)
First law: Believers stay believers, non-believers stay non-believers, unless a MIRACLE happens.

Second law: Miracles are equal to how happy God is today. There's no second variable.

Third law: Every miracle is associated with an appropriate amount of media coverage and annoying papparazzi. (In case you didn't get this one, Miracle = Good, not often. Media coverage and papparazzi = Bad, ALWAYS THERE ARGH.)

Philosophy
First law: Stuff that happens tends to happen. Stuff that doesn't happen tends to not happen. Unless some other stuff happens to make the stuff happen that should or shouldn't.

Second law: Stuff happening is equal to how much stuff is happening.

Third law: Everything that happens has something else that's not gonna happen.

CHAOS THEORY AAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Games
First law: People that get owned (noobs) tend to always get owned. People that are good at games (pro, gosu) tend to own noobs, unless there's ATTITUDE. Like the noob gets pissed and improves, or the pro gets cocky and slumps.

Second law: ATTITUDE is equal to ANGRINESS and potential to be pro or not.

Third law: For every game, there is a winner, and a loser. NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A WINNER. I'M SORRY PEYTON MANNING. I WATCHED YOUR MASTERCARD COMMERCIALS BUT I WASN'T CONVINCED.

Music
First law: Things in tune stay in tune, things out of tune stay out of tune, unless acted by an outside unknown dilemma, known as talent for those out of tune, and a cold for those in tune. However, mankind has been able to overcome this law recently with autotune. THE MIRACLES OF TECHNOLOGY!

Second law: Colds just come. They suck. Talent doesn't just come, which sucks. Look at what English can do with just a few changed words. (Refer to Newton's Laws of English, First law)

Third law: For every sound, there is an equal and opposite sound. Like, the opposite of a laughing sound is a crying sound. They're equally painful too, in different ways! Laughing too hard or crying too hard can both cause cramps.

People
First law: I'm me, you're you. We're unique. Unless I use some Jedi mind tricks.

Second law: Jedi mind tricks are equal to the Force, Yoda, and the Skywalkers, because those seem to be the only people that ever exist for more than 2 movies.

Third law: For every Jedi skill on the Light side, there's like 30 million more tricks on the Dark side. It's seriously messed up. Why would anyone want to be on the Light side??

Seriously, what is wrong. Light side...what the heck. Oh right. As I have proven...blah blah blah...Newton everywhere, yeah...blah blah blah...

What the heck Light side...what's the point of not being evil -_-...

Gr...

*Goes off to mope*

Sunday, February 15, 2009

So...Valentine's Is Over

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So...Valentine's Is Over...

I...accomplished nothing. Oh well.

I spent the entire day loafing in front of my brand new pretty microphone stand and singing.

Oh well.

And since it's over I get a poem break ^^.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY POEM

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Secrets.

[PICTURE OF A SECRET]

The poem goes:

Not telling ^_^.

: P

BUT THERE ARE HINTS IN THE PREVIOUS POEMS. (HINT: In the subjects)

You get a lifetime supply of E-cookies if you even come close to guessing correctly.

Here's all the subjects from the start:

Feb 2nd : Ferrero Rocher
Feb 3rd : Chef Boyardee
Feb 4th : Sushi
Feb 5th : Mr Noodles Ramen Soup
Feb 6th : Jello
Feb 7th : Hacky Sack
Feb 8th : Vacuums
Feb 9th : Cream Cheese
Feb 10th : Orange Pudding
Feb 11th : Igloo
Feb 12th : Rice
Feb 13th : Ice Cream
Feb 14th : Secrets

Friday, February 13, 2009

Valentine's Month - 1 Days Counting

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CRAVING...CRAVING REALLY BAD.
Ice Cream.

Cold:
Don't ignore me.

Bold:
Please acknowledge me.

Sold:
You bought my heart.

Mold:
Uh...Pass.

Controlled:
You have my every minute.

Fold:
A Valentine's Card for you.

Gold:
Your value in my life.

Old:
Pass. (GROW OLD TOGETHER? LOL)

Scold:
Because I'm stupid.

Told:
You about my love.

Hold:
You in my arms forever.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Valentine's Month - 2 Days Counting

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The food I had today reminded me that I haven't have rice in awhile...

I miss that stuff : (.
Rice
Are I See E?
Do U C Me?
The F-ort I U's
2 Uh-Track Your Ah10Shin?
The t-I-Me I Sp-End
Thing-King A-Bow-t U

You
Why Oh, You.
Y R U The Most Special
1 Within My World
Can U B N E More Uh...May Zing?
2 st-E-all My Heart

My 1 and Own-Li (fe)

1 Day U Will C
How Much I Love Thee

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Valentine's Month - 3 Days Counting

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It was snowing and reminded me of...


When I take apart an Igloo:

Igloo
I glue
I go loo
I ga oh loo oh
I go loopy over you

Because

I am in love with you.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Valentine's Month - 4 Days Counting

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Today's Theme : Orange Pudding

To be honest, nothing is coming to mind when I look at this picture, except:

Om nom nom
Yum yum yum

Om nom nom
Yum yum yum

OM NOM NOM
YUM YUM YUM

I WANT ORANGE PUDDING
RIGHT NOW
CUZ IT TASTES SO REFRESHING
RIGHT NOW

KONVICT...

I WANNA EAT ORANGE PUDDING NA NA NA NA
I WANNA EAT ORANGE PUDDING NA NA NA NA
WISH I NEVER FINISHED MY LAST SERVING NA NA NA NA
I WANNA EAT ORANGE PUDDING NA NA NA NA

PUDDING I KNOW MISTAKES WERE MADE BETWEEN US TWO
AND WE SHOW, THAT MY TASTE BUDS MET THAT NIGHT
EVEN SAID SOME THINGS WEREN'T TRUE
WHY'D YOU GO, AND I HAVEN'T SEEN MY PUDDING SINCE THEN
WHY CAN'T IT BE THE WAY IT WAS
CUZ YOU WERE MY FOOD, APPETITE, AND FRIEND

Monday, February 9, 2009

Valentine's Month - 5 Days Counting

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Today's theme is cream cheese.


Cream cheese goes with anything
Even buffalo or chicken wings.
Respected for its versatility,
Expected to be used responsibly,
This item is like one's manners
To their one and only lover

Expected to be flexible
To deal with any probable
Problems that may arise
And solve them, so wise

Like cream cheese to a bagel
A lover's personality should be able
To suit their partner's causes and needs
Because that's what it means to be cream cheese

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Valentine's Month - 6 Days Counting

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Check this out:


My childhood is shattered. This picture implies Kirby is a girl.

I always thought Kirby was like the epitome of manliness.

However, Kirby will still always be awesome, and to show that awesomeness, this poem will be about :
Vacuums!

Vacuum cleaners inhale dust
For cleaning they are a must
For love they are equally just
So the vacuum cleaner, you must trust

I am the dust and you are the vacuum
But you push me away like a broom.
You always refuse to take me in
You deny my most heartfelt confession

However, it is you I will dedicate
My every minute when I meditate
Until the vacuum absorbs my waterfall
Leaving me dry and vulnerable to all

As hard as I try to resist
Your 10 horsepower insists
That you are the only one for me
Because Vacuums shall always be
The one that clears the debris
So that I can set my heart free

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Valentine's Month - 7 Days Counting

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So. Apparently some people are displeased with these poems being themed on food. Therefore due to suggestion and demand, this one's on:


That's a hacky sack, in case you're dyslexic.

For this Valentine's I have a hacky sack
To make you mine, I'm bringing sexy back

Kick it up, let it bounce
Not enough, not one ounce

Of my love will drop
Unless you're in spot

To catch my pass
And I know that

You will always be there to catch
This love that I nurture and hatch

From the bottom of my heart.

LOOK GUYS. I FORMATTED IT : D.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Those Corporate Bastards...

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When one thinks gaming nowadays, what's the first few things that might pop into someone's head?

World of Warcraft by Blizzard? XBOX360 by Microsoft? The chain of EA franchise games? Or maybe you'd like to go back to old school Tetris. All these companies seem to make games for your enjoyment, but unknown to the public eye, they all have an ulterior motive. Here's the latest scoop:

Today's subject is EA

Let's begin.

One of EA's latest games:

Mirror's Edge
This game is NORTH AMERICA ONLY. Not Canada. Not US. North America.

But why would EA do this?

Let's see what EA has acquired and released as of late.

Beginning with:

WESTWOOD STUDIOS

Westwood studios was highly known for the intense Command and Conquer series...until EA took it. Now it's just known as the Command and Conquer series, minus the intense. Then EA took the concept and released Command and Conquer : Generals.

Making a statement? Clearly the earlier Command and Conquer games put you in the role of an army general, clearly noted in the early Tiberium Sun series and Red Alert series. But NO, EA has to MAKE SURE YOU KNOW YOU'RE A GENERAL.

EA Press Conference:

A: "What is the point of this game?"
B: "I think you gotta move the mouse around."
A: "Which one is the mouse."
B: "Here I'll lend you my wireless mouse, it's PERFECT for gaming and these situations."
A: "WOW. Thanks."

A: "So this game...what should we do about it."
B: "Well, you're an intelligent guy, because you work for EA, and since you couldn't figure out what this game is about, I suppose 100% of the population won't be able to either. I think we should spearhead the project with a SERIOUS but PROFESSIONAL name. Let's call it...Command and Conquer: GENERALS. You'll be the General in a game where you Command and Conquer...Understand?"
A: "Ooohhh...not really, but the name sounds cool. Maybe it'll turn into a franchise!"
B: "I think it already was one. I think we bought it because we thought we could take advantage of that fact. Hm...oh well."

B: "So...Mr. (Doesn't Know Anything About RTS nor The C&C Series)...any design ideas for this game?"
A: "Good question. I think we should start from scratch and ignore all the past successes and pros of the previous Command and Conquer games, and release something very characteristic of EA."
B: "GOOD IDEA."

1 week later.
B: "Hey I got the prototype version."
Project Manager: "Only?? Uh...well on the calendar it says we need to release a game today. We'll release yours ok?"
B: "But...it's..."
Project Manager: "So i herd u liek promoshuns"
B: "Ok, so...price?"
Project Manager: "The usual. $60."
B: "Ads?"
Project Manager: "The usual. Everywhere."
B: "Art?"
Project Manager: "Hm...my 5 year old has an Arts and Crafts project due tomorrow. I'll tell him to whip something up. Hey, I'll tell him it's killing two birds with one stone!"

1 week later.
A: "Wow, I must say this is pretty fun. I'm a complete noob. I just have to make sure I build one unit over and over."
B: "Yeah I know right?? But I got other things to do, talk to you later. I'm promoted, you're not."
A: "Wow, I must say this is pretty fun!"

@Blizzard Headquarters:
C: "Yo wtf is this?"
D: "Dunno"
C: "This looks like it was finished in one week"
D: "Probably was."
C: "Fuck my life if Starcraft II turns out like this."
D: "We gotta make sure we get it perfect, not like this EA stuff."
C&D: "HIGH FIVE!"

Clearly, EA missed the target on this one.

Then there was THE SIMS.

The main purpose of the Sims franchise...was to be a franchise. And to study human AI and gibberish so that EA could eventually rule the world after they learn how to be Generals and command massive armies of battle tanks.

Here is a excerpt from the design team of The Sims:
E: "?"
F: "!"
E: ": )"
F: ": D"

With that exciting concept, The Sims was released and an instant hit. Next conversation is as follows:
E: "$?"
F: ": D"

With that exciting concept, The Sims expansion packs were released. By the time you could type in the cheats for 1000 Simoleans, the new expansion pack was out where you'd have to start typing more cheats to get all the new stuff. Smart EA...

Other notable games EA has released include:
Rock Band (for music)
EA Sports (Such as NHL, Madden, FIFA) (for sports)
Spore (For evolution and future cosmic domination)
SimCity (How to manage a City. The starting point and base of your army)
Need for Speed (How to shake off the cops)

However, there was one thing missing and one tall wall in their way.

Take Two Interactive. (Which EA decided to attempt a hostile takeover and failed.)

Without Grand Theft Auto and BioShock, EA was missing two vital conditions for world takeover, notably How To Do Things Right and How To Do Things When The World is FUCKED.

However, unfortunately, so far EA has been sneaky and ninja, as proven by their Mirror's Edge game, and no one has been able to pin sufficient concrete evidence on them yet.

Anyways, in conclusion, EA is clearly trying to acquire America and Canada in one big sweep, and collectively command it under the name "NORTH AMERICA". It is up to WE THE PEOPLE, or in Canadian lingo "Oi, we better get together, eh?", to stop this atrocity.

Any other leads on EA's ulterior motives deeply appreciated, please and thank you.

Anyways, time to go play on the Microsoft XBOX 360. I'll be playing EA Sports NHL 09 by the way.

I AM NOT A HYPOCRITE. STFU.

Valentine's Month - 8 Days Counting

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So, props to my roommate for pointing this out.

Apparently had I thought of this sooner, it would have made these posts of poems so much more witty.

Valentine's Day is 13 letters. Perfect for the countdown. If somehow I sneaked the first letter into each title...or did SOMETHING with it, at the very least, it would've been 1000 times cooler. Unfortunately I didn't, but maybe I'll keep it in mind for next year if I'm still alive past this Valentine's Day.

Anyways, to thank my roommate for his astute observation, I will write a poem about his current obsession. Short story even shorter, he walked into Shoppers on the way home and bought 2 packs of "Make it yourself" Jell-o. Therefore today's theme is:

Before I begin, let me explain something that I've been wondering, and what the poem will be based on.

...Does Jell-o ever freeze or melt? I've seen it placed in a REALLY cold freezer, and it's still...Jello...

Same with melting. I've seen it placed under those really powerful lamps that are supposed to keep things HOT. But I've never seen it melt.

I've come to the conclusion that JELLO IS ETERNAL.

AND SO I POEMIZE:

Jello, a snack of epicness
No virtuoso dare contest this
Never melt and never freeze
Jello remains to be eternally seen

Guess what is also eternal?
My love for you which is infernal
Burning with red fervor within
Like strawberry flavored gelatin

Jello represents above all else
The bubbly emotions in one's self
So every day keep in mind
That as you eat your dessert
There is someone that hurts
Because they think about you all the time

IS THIS A SONNET? SORRY SHAKESPEARE.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

The People's Republic of the United Provinces of CanadaMerica Commonwealth Union

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In response to EA neglecting the existence of either the United States of America or Canada, I have decided to spearhead a new project and country:

The People's Republic of The United Provinces of CanadaMerica Commonwealth Union

Quick Fact Reference Sheet

Our National Anthem:
Oh say can you get up
After I beat you to the ground
Because I am just that awesome
So you better kneel to me

Oh say can you burn
After I light you on fire
And decorate you with
Flammable bug spray

Oh say can you
Be any crappier?
Get lost
Go away
Seriously.

Our National Pledge:
I pledge allegiance, to myself
For myself
Me
and I
And to the republic, for which it revolves around, aka me
One nation, under me, indivisible, with peanut butter and jelly for all

Our Motto:
"Swords are cooler than guns. Bringin' it old school"

Our Mascot:
James Lam

Our Flag:



Our National Sports:
1. Whichever one EA hasn't made yet.
2. Faggot Hunting with Elmer Fuck.
3. Owning noobs

Our National Pride:
Being pro.

Official Language:
Pro.

Governmental System:
Tribal. Also pro.

Ethnic Groups:
Professionals, Specialists, Amazing People, Talented People, People that don't work for EA.

Demonym:
CanaMeridian

Establishment:
Today. Tomorrow. And the day after.

Area:
Anywhere and everywhere. We may even be right behind you. Or we might just be in your head. Oh SHNAPZ.

Population:
Currently pending.

Currency:
XBOX Achievements.

Drives on the:
Middle

Military Strength:
Mind-blowing. We've got Sam Fisher as our undercover agent, Master Chief as our Chief Field Officer. Dante is our Special Response Team. Gandalf spearheads our Magic Department, which we use to summon Balrogs and Bahamuts. Plus we've got the Jim Raynor avatar, which wins us the battle by just placing it on the battlefield. Our Army is composed of the best of the best from Battlefield, Counterstrike, Team Fortress, Ghost Recon, Rainbox Six, and better AI than Halo 3 will ever have.

Forgeign Relations:
EA - Bad. They want to shut us down.

Other Information coming soon.

Valentine's Month - 9 Days Counting

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Time for another hardcore post.

This one is on...
Mr Noodles Ramen Soup
I eat it while driving
In my 2010 Porsche Coupe
All the while calling, on my cell phone
Up all my crew, party at my home

One more special lady
I must invite
To my open house party
She'll be the limelight of the night
It'll be the sight that sets the fireworks alight.

But as I dial
My soup doth spill
All the while
My hands cannot grasp the wheel

I swerve into the other lane
Into oncoming traffic
My life flashes and my sight wanes
How truly tragic

Horns honk and people scream
I think I am finished, or so it seems
But I open my eyes to see
That Mr Noodles protected me

Using his magical noodle powers
He reduced the impact
Even my red rose flowers
Remained intact

And so I hurry home
And call up all my friends on my phone
I inform them of the events
That occurred just moments ago

"Mr Noodles saved my life" I say
"Perhaps you are right," they say.
However learn your lesson you must,
never drive while eating and phoning, because
Mr Noodles may not always be there to save you
And if he doesn't come
The words that you promised to hold true
To the only special one
You may never be able to carry through

But for tonight, be thankful to Mr Noodles Instant Ramen Soup
That you can spend a great night
With the one you hold dearest
Say "I love you" with all your might.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

So According to EA

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All I can say is...good job Electronic Arts.

There's definitely a subliminal message in this. Notice how EA refers to it as "North AMERICA", and not "North CANADA". I think there's something going on here. I will look into this further and report back later.

VIVA LA CANADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The MASOOAW Game. - Beta Release Version 0.9

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The hit new game of the decade. I introduce...(coined by my roommate).

THE MASOOAW GAME.
aka the Make A Sentence Out Of A Word Game

Currently available for the following platforms:
MSN Instant Messenger

Minimum Requirements:
A Computer
A Keyboard
An Internet
No Life

Recommended Requirements:
2.4+ GHZ Dual Core Processor
2 GBytes of System RAM
NVIDIA 7800GTX+ or ATI x1300+ Video Card
8 GB of Free Hard Drive Space

Brain and Creativity suggested but not required.

Synopsis:
One loser messages the other loser.

Idiot A: "Hey loser"
Idiot B: "Luke owned some educated retards."

The gist of this game is to make a sentence, where each word begins with the letters of the last word of the opponent's sentence. It's quite straightforward, unless you ignored the suggestions of having a brain and some creativity, no life, and a lot of time.

Difficulties:


Idiot-proof:
Use each letter, make a word. Doesn't have to make sense.

Example:

Idiot A: "Hey faggot."
Idiot B: "Fudge animal green goat our tables"

Amateur:
Use each letter, make a word. Sentence needs to make grammatical sense. However, "compound words" are allowed, such as "coffee mug" or "a lot". Those would count for a "c" or an "a", respectively. Slang is permitted.

Example:

Idiot A: "Hey faggot."
Idiot B: "Freedom affects gays, gigolos, or tree huggers.

Intermediate:
Use each letter, make a word. Sentence needs to make grammatical and logical sense. "Compound words" and slang still permitted.

Example:

Idiot A: "Hey faggot."
Idiot B: "Flamingos are getting gangsta over time.

Hard:
Use each letter, make a word. Sentence needs to make grammatical and logical sense. "Compound words" and slang are now prohibited.

Example:

Idiot A: "Hey faggot."
Idiot B: "Flamingos are getting greedier over time."

Professional:
Use each letter, make a word. Sentence needs to make grammatical and logical sense. "Compound words" and slang prohibited. Needs to follow a preset theme, determined at the beginning of the round by rock paper scissors.

Legendary:
Use each letter, make a word. Sentence needs to make grammatical and logical sense. "Compound words" and slang prohibited. Proper nouns, names, etc. now prohibited. Needs to follow a preset theme. Needs to have a minimum of 3 points. Needs to incorporate a minimum of 3 special rules, decided at beginning of round.

Rules:
Suggested players: 2-5.

Play modes:
Elimination - This method of play is turn based. Per each circulation, whoever has the least amount of points is eliminated for the next circulation. This continues until a winner is decided.

King of the Hill - This method of play is turn based. Per each circulation, the scoreboard leader is permitted to choose an additional handicap rule. The set of handicap rules must begin at none during the start, and add up as the circulations continue. To win in this mode, stay score leader for a certain number of rounds, agreed upon by the group.

Deathmatch Turn - This method of play is turn based, but unlimited. The goal of this mode is to stump the next player. Deathmatch involves a minimum sentence score, which is agreed upon by the group. If the next player passes, cannot come up with a sentence required by the difficulty, or does not meet the score minimum, he or she is "killed".

Deathmatch Free - This method of play is challenge based. Follows the same "kill" requirements as Deathmatch Turn, however in this mode, you may select the player you want to knock out.

Normal - Play a certain amount of circulations. At the end of the round, the player with the most points is declared the winner.

Misc. Play Rules:

Last word of each sentence must exceed 4 characters.

Play nice.

At difficulties other than Legendary, the usage of special rules is optional but not mandatory, as well as their application. However, per each sentence, if a special rule is utilized, bonus points are rewarded. The amount of special rules, and which ones, must be decided at the beginning of the round.

Scoring:

Rhyming - Rhyming points are distributed by how many words are rhymed in a row minus 1. For instance, if I rhymed three words in a row, I would earn two points.

Using a word with 8 or more distinct letters earns an additional point for every letter over 8. For instance, the word "keyboard" would yield 1 point. Speakerphone would yield 3 points, because it has 10 distinct letters.

Passive tense deducts 1 point.

A lack of subject verb agreement deducts one point.

(Applicable to Intermediate and Higher) Conjunction words deduct 1 point.

Keeping words under: If every word is under 6 characters long, award 1 point.

Staying over the bar: If every word is over 9 characters long, award 1 point.

Repeats: Follow the same grammatical style, idea, or sentence structure for each following sentence after the inital one yields 1 point, 3 points, 5 points, and so on.

A diss is 1 point.

An oxymoron is 1 point.

Paradox statements deduct 1 point.

Matching syllables: Minimum three words in a row. Starting from four words in a row and more, 1 point is awarded for each word that has the same number of syllables as the last. A multiplier is also applied for the number of syllable. For example, "Last night was lame" is 1 point. However, "Little nephew wounded llamas" would award 2 points, because 2 syllable words were used.

Handicap&Item Rules:
Skip and gain (Item) - The holder of this item is allowed to skip and gain the "minimum" sentence points.

Special Rules:
Word Max - Each word cannot exceed 10 characters.

Word Min - Each word cannot have less than 5 characters.

Time attack - The contender must answer within a certain limited amount of time.

The WTF Game Version 0.9 (C) Fook You @ http://this-is-going-no-where.blogspot.com/

This is serious business.

Valentine's Month - 10 Days Counting

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Today's theme is sushi. LOOK. ISN'T IT PRETTY?


Sushi of the heart shape
Decorative and ornate
Tells me of the affection
That you send in my direction

Salmon meat wrapped within
The paper which is ever so thin
But thick with love they glow
With tip to lobe they show
That a simple heart may convey
All the feelings I feel today

So no matter the place
And no matter the form
As long as your love is the taste
My heart will feel your warmth

:).

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Valentine's Month - 11 Days Counting

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Too much cheesy stuff has been going down lately, so this one's gonna be HARDCORE.

Therefore, our theme is :
Chef Boyardee
Sauce and Ravioli
Pasta like Versace
Better than Gucci

But not quite like Vivaldi
More like a crying spaghetti
Soaked and drowning in confetti
Like a happy and excited yeti

However for Valentine's day
For Chef Boyardee you need not pay
Because it shall be on sale
(And probably free)
Since I would definitely eat
Chef Boyardee
To celebrate Valentine's day
In the best way
Now these don't even follow a pattern
I'm just rhyming words such as lantern
And somehow we must relate
This poem to the opposite of hate
So at the end of the very last line
We shall realize that we shall find
The word "love" without any context
So without any more useless text...
Love.

Monday, February 2, 2009

February - Valentine's Month

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February is here!

In the spirit of February, I shall post a cheesy love poem EVERY DAY. EXCITING, no?

If anyone has objections, defer them to my roommate, as he suggested that I drink coffee like...an hour ago.

Oooh bad idea.

First I need to rant about how bad coffee is.

It's bad. It makes me loopy and high. I can down 10 cans of Coca Cola and be fine, but coffee...OH NO. I pity my roommate right now. If I ever drink coffee ever again, I will also give my condolences to those that are so unfortunate in coming into contact with me.

So now, the poem.

I originally didn't have any ideas for this, but props to my roommate for inspiring me with this picture:
Ferrero Rocher in a bouquet
Heartwarming care, wins my heart away
Roses of paper, but hearts of fire
Burning greater, it's you I desire

Chocolate sweetness melting in a bite
The uniqueness of the flavor quite just like
The moments you and I may share
Or times alone when you wish the other were there

Hazelnut pieces that loudly crunch
Makes me see that only once
Each distinct sound may utter it's tune
Like the different ways I can say "I love you"

But as I eat each and everyone one
Like rose petals wither after the setting sun
I think about all the places where
I could find someone who would care
Whenever and everywhere, and so I share
With you, my bouquet of Ferrero Rocher