Macs are PRO

The new trend is going viral!

In the MacCar, the accelerate and brake pedals for automatic cars have been combined into one pedal. For manual transmission cars, the clutch pedal is now a small bead that rolls around.

Its successor, the MacCar Pro, now allows you to customize your car in different colors, comes with more acceleration sounds, including vroom and VROOOM, prints PRO on your grill, and much more!

In the MacSiegeTank, siege mode and tank mode have been combined into one mode, allowing movement while sieged.

Its successor, the MacSiegeTank Pro, now says “BOOM” in a burly black man voice on every shot.

In the MacLife, viral and bacterial diseases do not exist.

For the MacLife Pro, you pay a random arbitrary amount of additional money for this feature.

In the MacNuke, you are not using the launch “function”, you are using the launch “command”. Therefore you have to press the button differently. (Note: Difference not specified nor included.)

In the MacNuke Pro, you press the button with 100% more satisfaction guaranteed.

In the MacPC, reality tears.

In the MacPC Pro, reality is rebuilt, to be torn the same way.

This article has been a proud presentation of Planebarf.

The Doomsday Patch

God has almost finished the single-player campaign in the hit RPG, “Reality”!

Patch 12.20.2012

General

Earth’s temperature has been raised by an average of 5.57 degrees Celcius in order to accommodate for the incoming end of the world.

Sea level has been given a flat boost of 500 meters.

A growth mechanic has been added to sea level. Sea level will rise by 150 meters per hour.

Resources have been naturally depleted by a flat ratio of 0.884.

Meteors have been spawned near Earth. (Note: Altering the path of normal meteors was too predictable, detectable, and obvious.)

Culture

Religion has been given a 75% boost to gullibility and stupidity.

Non-believers are now under a permanent buff, “Science and Logic”. It gives them an additional 50% chance to be bullied by believers for no reason whatsoever.

Non-believers are now under a permanent debuff, “Frustration”. It makes non-believers 20% more irritable to listen to people talk about the world ending.

Units

Tigers have been given 12% more stripes.

Purely “white” people now make up less than 1% of the world’s total population.

Pure white people have claimed independence from the rest of the human race.

Asian blood now resides in 95% of the human race.

Real estate availability is now 0%, down from 0.001%.

Black people have finally permitted the use of the “n” word by other races.

Latino’s are now 30% more happy for no apparent reason.

Middle Eastern people are now 25% more cocky for discovering a new way to do math.

Interface

An “interactive cinematic” function has been added for the remaining 24 hours.

Graphic rendering now goes up to 14 dimensions.

Many interactions have been remodelled to use the new keyboardless/mouseless keyboard and mouse input interface.

Bug Fixes

Pandora’s Box has finally been closed. There is now no disease, war, etc. However, there is also no hope.

Miscellaneous

The login screen has been updated with new art.

Epic music has been added to play for the next 24 hours. No music in particular, just “epic” music.

This article has been a proud presentation of Planebarf.