Textbook Narcissism

Narcissists don't wear glasses, they wear mirrors.

Narcissists believe that the light at the end of the tunnel is actually their reflection, which is why they are drawn to it.

If there is a mirror in your room when you give birth to a narcissist, you've automatically had twins.

It's impossible to commit identity theft on a narcissist, because they only carry photo ID credit cards.

A narcissist's 4-number PIN is easy to guess because it will always be the largest number, 9999.

Einstein's theory of relativity does not apply to narcissists because a narcissist does not acknowledge the fact that they can be compared to something.

In a narcissist's vocabulary, the word "absolute" is redundant because it is assumed.

In a narcissist's vocabulary, the word "best" does not exist because it is assumed.

Narcissists are natural romantics because they will always talk about your I's.

A narcissists speech impediment is not a lisp, it's an echo.

The word imperfect is actually "I'm perfect".

Narcissist artists can only draw self-portraits.

Narcissists treat everyone equally because everyone is equally not as perfect as the narcissist.

Narcissists are incapable of discrimination because there are only two categories from a narcissist's point of view: himself and everybody else.

A narcissist does not "lose". You were "allowed to win".

Narcissists are very understanding people, because if they are not, the commoners will revolt.

A narcissist will never believe what you have to say to him unless you convince him that he is right.

Narcissists are never caught "off-guard". They are caught "pretending not to know".

--To be continued...