The Doomsday Patch

God has almost finished the single-player campaign in the hit RPG, “Reality”!

Patch 12.20.2012

General

Earth’s temperature has been raised by an average of 5.57 degrees Celcius in order to accommodate for the incoming end of the world.

Sea level has been given a flat boost of 500 meters.

A growth mechanic has been added to sea level. Sea level will rise by 150 meters per hour.

Resources have been naturally depleted by a flat ratio of 0.884.

Meteors have been spawned near Earth. (Note: Altering the path of normal meteors was too predictable, detectable, and obvious.)

Culture

Religion has been given a 75% boost to gullibility and stupidity.

Non-believers are now under a permanent buff, “Science and Logic”. It gives them an additional 50% chance to be bullied by believers for no reason whatsoever.

Non-believers are now under a permanent debuff, “Frustration”. It makes non-believers 20% more irritable to listen to people talk about the world ending.

Units

Tigers have been given 12% more stripes.

Purely “white” people now make up less than 1% of the world’s total population.

Pure white people have claimed independence from the rest of the human race.

Asian blood now resides in 95% of the human race.

Real estate availability is now 0%, down from 0.001%.

Black people have finally permitted the use of the “n” word by other races.

Latino’s are now 30% more happy for no apparent reason.

Middle Eastern people are now 25% more cocky for discovering a new way to do math.

Interface

An “interactive cinematic” function has been added for the remaining 24 hours.

Graphic rendering now goes up to 14 dimensions.

Many interactions have been remodelled to use the new keyboardless/mouseless keyboard and mouse input interface.

Bug Fixes

Pandora’s Box has finally been closed. There is now no disease, war, etc. However, there is also no hope.

Miscellaneous

The login screen has been updated with new art.

Epic music has been added to play for the next 24 hours. No music in particular, just “epic” music.

This article has been a proud presentation of Planebarf.